I have so much to say, create, and do, and so little space in this city to put any of it. I’m slightly frightened about who I’m going to become after graduate school. It feels like one giant drain. I’m getting really frustrated at how atomized this life is. The things I think and the thing I write and the things I say are not transferring to any real communities. The small peer group I do have is so fragmented anyway, processing itself is so lonely. Accountability feels like a punctured balloon. So much time goes into just resuscitating dialogue and community. It’s absurd. It feels like I’m time traveling sometimes in that I haven’t felt this damn insecure since high school. What is going on. I am not sure what my next move is. I don’t know how to magically create community when I feel so constrained here. How do people survive graduate school socially and emotionally?